I was wondering if you have ever experienced narcissistic abuse in your life or toxic family relationships?
I was always in so much pain because of how my family was treating me and I didn’t understand why. I knew that things weren’t normal, but yes the problem was “always me.”
I grew up in a home with two narcissist parents and I was lucky enough to be able to work with counselors that helped me to identify this.
When it came to my dad I was never good enough and if I didn’t do what he wanted he would stop talking to me. If I thought for myself he would stop talking to me. He only loved me conditionally (If I did what he wanted.) He had to have full control over me and if he didn’t then I could surely count on having no relationship with him. My last straw with him was when he allowed my grandmother to live in her house alone when she had dementia. I was seeing her once a week, but it wasn’t enough and wasn’t safe for her. I kept begging him to get her help and to get her into safety. One day my intuition told me to drive to her house which was an hour away and I did promptly. When I got there she collapsed. After that luckily she went to the hospital and was put into an assisted living near my apartment. My dad cut me off totally after this. He was so mad that I exposed him. I decided that I didn’t want him in my life anymore as well. It was very odd to me that someone would not be on board with protecting an elderly family member. Instead of acknowledging that I got there right in time to help her, he threatened to call hospital security on me.
My mom has always tried to make me feel bad about myself. She constantly insulted me and tried to destroy my friendships even from a young age at school. She would call my friends intoxicated and my place of work and embarrass me. I could never have friends over to my house. Once, during a birthday get together at my home my mom physically hurt me and again was intoxicated. She would always befriend ex-boyfriends and my ex-husband when we would end our relationship and take their side. In my divorce, she partnered up with my ex-husband and helped him to go against me. She has done everything to try to break me, hurt me, and make me feel bad. She has always tried to destroy anything in my life that made me happy including relationships, friendships, opportunities ect. She blamed me constantly. She would always say “You are mentally ill!” “You need to get a real job.” She would constantly call all of her friends and trash talk me and still does today. None of this is normal for a mother.
The truth is I don’t want my family in my life ever again. Sometimes we end up in situations that aren’t safe for us mentally, physically, or spiritually. I have done so much work to love myself and to be confident. My mom and dad destroyed my self-esteem from the beginning, but I’ve done enough work to no longer be a broken person.
All of the gaslighting doesn’t work anymore. I used to question myself like hmm maybe I am a failure? Maybe I am doing something wrong? Maybe it is all my fault?
I realize that none of that was ever true.
These statements are what people say to you when they want to project their pain on you and not do their inner work. The longer they can blame someone else, the less time they have to look at their own faults.
If you need help with healing family trauma please reach out. I’m an incredible coach and healer for working on narcissistic abuse. It’s possible to recover and love yourself again. I’m not writing this to be a victim or for anyone to feel bad for me. I want you to know that I understand how you feel and I care about you and what you are going through.